The Garden of Love.

I went to the Garden of Love
And saw what I never had seen:

Room for two?

Some say the world will end in fire,
  Some say in ice.
  From what I've tasted of desire
  I hold with those who favor fire.
  But if it had to perish twice,
  I think I know enough of hate
  To know that for destruction ice
  Is also great
  And would suffice.

By Robert frost

Jurassic fuck.

This has got to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen... whenever I'm blue this is guaranteed to make me chuckle...

Pterodactyl porn!?!

... I have to admit to be pretty impressed by the quality of the costumes...

A lone hand claps...

Well, it's been about 3 hours since the Geisha boys left Berlin. I fed them well, I led them on a tour of historic Berlin sights and I took advantage of their narcissistic temperaments and made lots of pictures.

And now... the apartment is tidied and all signs that 4 grubby rock musicians have been bedding down in what usually passes as my lounge are gone... save for the boxes and boxes of books and other pointless tat that I made them bring over from England in their tour van for me, and I think I miss them....

Geisha Noise Research Group

Night of the Living Geisha Boys...

... at some, as yet unspecified, time today the peace and tranquillity of my Berlin apartment will be over-run with Geisha-boys. Unfortunately, not the lady-boy, he-she variety but the sweaty-been-on-the-road-for-3-weeks-snarling-noise-rock genus of Geisha... but they rock so it'll be OK.

As for this gorgeous little lady that I captured at the Venus Adult Trade Show... I sincerely hope that when I'm in my seventies and barely able to stand up straight I will also be carrying around a digital camera that probably weighs more than I do, happily snapping away at lithesome, naked, copulating teenagers...

A gun would be nice...

... I'm writing this whilst being on hold with 3 Mobile in my 3rd attempt to get my old English handset unlocked, and a gun would be nice... not that I can reach through the airwaves and shoot the motherfuckers answering at the call centre in Mumbai... but I could at least put myself out of my misery.

But I have no gun.

So instead... a picture from the Venus Trade Show 2009

A huge erection...

... just a taster from the sights at the Venus Festival. Needless to say, I want one!

Days of T&A

I was hoping to upload some photos and a little diary of my experiences at the Venus Porn Festival here in Berlin... I'm 3 days down with 2 more to go... but it's been so full on I have not had time, and quite frankly after 11 straight hours of way too much gynecological imformation the last thing I want to do is fucking talk about it and edit photographs... so I'm off to get some cigarettes and eat some instant mash potato and I'll update this blog that no one reads when it's all over.... please God let it be over.....

The whisperer.

So, for the last couple of days I have been pondering the eternal question... why does Steven Seagal have a voice double? This strange and inexplicable phenomenon first appeared a few years ago and while it is less of a mystery why he has had to resort to body/stunt doubles the dubbing of his voice leaves me in a constant state of wonder. Is it because he's so expensive that when some additional recording is required the producers just hire some young cheap stud to impersonate the Holy one (very badly)? Or... is he just a bit of a lazy fuck and can't be arsed with all that pesky ADR? Or... could it be that the man is almost incapable of delivering his lines above a whisper leaving the poor sound guys with tapes and tapes of inaudible mumbling?

I've scoured the internet for an answer to this conundrum but the all-knowing webbernet has failed me.

I still love ol' chubby chops though...

(photos copyright of Eroticalia)

Dear Santa...

... I want to be 5ft 8in and a size 0.

Santa is rubbish (I never did get that rocking horse I wanted either) but luckily for me Stefano Brunesci isn't!

The Wonder Years...

... when Tessa was just a glint in Kamei's eye.

Apparently today is Reunification Day here in Germany... I remember being 16, sitting in my tiny bedroom, watching the events unfold on a dust-covered portable TV and realising for the first time in my life that I was watching 'history' as it happened... today, at 35 I am not so reflective, today this simply means that all the fucking shops are shut for the next two days and I haven't got anything in the fridge for Sunday lunch. Balls! My persistent inability to plan ahead is a constant source of frustration for me.

So instead of going out and enjoying the simple pleasure that is food shopping I will sit at my desk and try and think of something interesting to say....

.... fuck it! Here's some naked pictures instead... (copyright courtesy of AndyQPhotography, Stefano Brunesci and filmphoto respectively)

I'm rambling but not naked...

... at the moment. No, no nakedness here, just a black negligee ruined by an old brown cardigan. It's glamour all the way.

So, this is the beginning of my blog... in truth, it's a cheaper option than buying a website and all the kewl people do it so it can't be that bad... can it?

The purpose of this ubiquitous exercise in vanity? To display my work as a model... this is where the 'naked' comes in and the reason why FB etc etc fail me...

... so all I need to do know now is how in the name of all that is holy I can upload pictures.

Ah-ha! I do it like this....

(Photographer: filmphoto)