Thursday, 8 April 2010

The last of the Johnny Walker.

Every relationship is different. With every new love comes new desires, new needs, new reactions. It's hard to learn from past mistakes when you are dealing with a unique entity... the love that you have right now, as opposed to the love that you had with so-and-so in your past. It also makes each relationship special; not bound by the same rules, the same ways of behaving and loving as those that have come before, and also no better or worse. I believe that there is an essential truth in that common phrase of new love "I've never felt this way before". Most of the time we dismiss such statements with an inward roll of the eyes and thoughts of "You said that last time" but repetition does not equal falsehood, especially when we are talking about what we feel. Our emotions are a slippery beast, we try to take a firm grip and look the wriggling creature in the eye; to name it, to understand it's nature but despite all of our efforts it rarely delivers on our expectations. Chameleon-like, it morphs and mutates in front of our very noses, responding to and reacting with the unique external and internal stimuli of the moment. Every man I have ever loved I have loved differently, the words we use to describe our feelings may be the same but the experience is inimitable. I cannot see how it can be any other way... each new love brings with it an entirely new set of variables; a different man, a different me, a different environment, a different history etc etc.

And so each relationship is a journey where we recognise the road signs but where the landscape is as unfamiliar as a foreign country. A pilgrimage of the heart to find the place where, at that moment in time, we need to be. An odyssey for our heimat.

(Heimat by Kelly Humphries)


  1. Well, I found your blog by clicking on one of my favourite movies in my profile, The Night Porter. I wondered (maybe I mentioned this already) if there was some common thread between all the people who listed this movie as a favourite. I think maybe there is.

    At any rate, your photos and links got me thinking about a lot of stuff, like why you do this (some of which you've explained), why guys keep coming back (that's pretty obvious), and just how kinky or perverted are we? (probably, as you've hinted, quite a lot).

    But sex, visual flirting, exhibitionism, lust and desire is not love. When love hits, it's different. You said it, it's not about the sex.

    So it strikes me that your blog may have been like a waiting room, a kind of organic purgatory in which you didn't bare your soul, but some of the rest of you, instead.

    Anyway, keep up the writing. And the pix too. Though it could be just toes or whatever. And enjoy your love. Maybe you can figure out how to keep those endorphines and oxytocin levels high for longer than 6 months. Maybe someone will put oxytocin in a pill so we can stay in love for years! ("in love" being different from "loving" which can last for years).

    Cheers and best wishes. -G. BTW, my blog is geraldmceachern.blogspot,com

  2. Thanks Tess. Like the Henry Rollins quote. Kind of ties into what I have on my blog this week. Yeah, I agree you're not bearing your soul (I think that's what I wrote), and that adds the mystery. Mystery is the curtain over the soul of our art. Stay warm...