Thursday, 21 January 2010

...the most terrible deception...

What is it that drives so many of us towards self-destruction? Whilst most people manage to avoid succumbing to the urge to gleefully swan dive from the nearest high building so few have the capacity to just enjoy life without regularly thrusting an iron bar into the spokes of our own happiness. Without doubt that ubiquitous self-loathing, nestling in the heart of every man has some part to play; when life is good there is a little voice inside that gently taunts "You don't deserve this... it'll end in tears.... best be the one to fuck it up... at least you'll be the one in control..."

But to lay the blame solely on insecurity and the fucked up things that happened to us in our childhoods is too simplistic. There is more at work: Primordial adaptations that were once the keys to our survival but are now just flaccid psychological appendages. The omnipresent fears of being alone, of disappointment, of failure, of being out of control all fester within us. They are natures great motivators but we live in a world so far removed from nature that what was designed to be productive becomes pathological.

Yet there is a way through this battlefield of evolutionary APM's and that is understanding. Understanding why we are behaving the way that we are, understanding without judgement but with clarity and honesty. When we understand, everything is illuminated. We may still fall down, we may still  make mistakes and we will undoubtably lay ourselves bare; like the seed that needs to shed it's protective husk in order to grow into something infinitely more powerful we need to embrace our vulnerability to be able to flourish.

(Tessa by Andreas Holm)

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